With the holiday season fast approaching, many families are making travel plans in order to spend time with their loved ones. Parents admit that traveling with young children can sometimes be an added stress to an already hectic season. However, it is possible to create a positive travel experience for the whole family. Whether you are planning a road trip or booking a flight, here are some helpful travel tips shared by other families and our Parenting Educators:

• Take it easy– Allow plenty of time; traveling with children always takes longer than you might expect. Feeling rushed puts everyone on edge and makes it difficult to stay patient and handle the unexpected.
• Expect some setbacks– Know in advance that sleep schedules, eating habits, and even potty training are affected by travel. Be flexible and plan for mishaps.
• Bring drinks and snacks– In addition to water and snacks, bring a few special treats to help with more difficult moments!
• Pack the favorites– Remember to bring your child’s favorite stuffed animal, blanket, or toy. If possible, bring a backup in case the original is misplaced.
• Introduce something new– Create a grab bag of tiny toys and activities that are new to your child. Give them out slowly over the course of the trip as needed. Depending on your child’s age, you might want to include crayons and a small notepad, books, stickers, and small dolls/action figures 

PARENTING TIP:
When planning a trip, include young children in the preparation. Talk to them about what to expect while traveling, where they are going, and who or what they will see when they get there. Removing some of the uncertainty from the situation will help them feel more at ease.

There is no doubt that today’s children are growing up in a digital world. Cell phones, tablets, and televisions are easily accessible to people of all ages. Although technology definitely has its benefits, it can also have effects on the quality our relationships. When we are mesmerized by a screen, we can’t engage in meaningful conversations with the people around us. 

In her book The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age, Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair addresses the impact of screen time on families. Listed below are a few of the steps she encourages parents to follow in order to unplug from devices and stay connected as a family.

• Keep mornings and evenings quiet. Start and end your child’s day by giving him or her your full, undivided attention. Children can tell when their parents are distracted, so avoid responding to texts and emails during these transition times.
• Lead by example. Set aside certain times during the day for online activities, whether it is to check email or participate in social media. By setting these limits (and sticking to them!), your child will see that technology is a part of your day but not a backdrop for it.
• Create “screen-free” zones. As a family, choose areas where devices are not welcome. The dinner table and short car rides are wonderful settings to chat about your day or anything else that might come up.

PARENTING TIP:
When setting screen time limits, provide children with plenty of hands-on alternatives to technology: outdoor play, board games, books, blocks, and puzzles.

Temper tantrums, unfortunately, are an inevitable part of toddlerhood. Growing up is hard work and filled with lots of emotions! Young children are learning about the complex world around them while developing mentally, socially, emotionally and physically. They are bound to get frustrated when they don’t have the words to express themselves or the ability to do what they want when they want. Offering children choices, avoiding situations that might trigger a negative reaction, and modeling appropriate ways to express feelings can avoid many tantrums altogether. But what about those emotional “explosions” that just seem to happen out of the blue? Your child is happy one minute but having a complete meltdown the next. Here are some ways for parents to cope with a child’s tantrum without having one of their own.

1. Stay calm. Parents admit that this can be the most difficult thing to do when their child’s behavior is out of control, but reacting angrily will only escalate the tantrum. By closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths, you are also modeling an appropriate way to deal with your own anger.
2. Show empathy. Let your child know that you understand the reason behind the tantrum, even if the behavior is not acceptable. “I know you are so mad right now, but you cannot hit your brother.” Children want to know that they are being heard.
3. Be present. When a child is really hysterical, talking to her might not even be an option. Sit or stand far enough away that her flailing arms don’t hit you, but close enough that she knows you are waiting nearby.
4. Reconnect. When the tantrum is over and your child is calm, use it as a teachable moment. Offer plenty of hugs as you talk about the appropriate way to express that particular emotion.

PARENTING TIP:

Help children develop self-control and learn how to handle big emotions by giving them some coping strategies to deal with anger and frustration. Ripping up paper or stomping their feet could be acceptable ways for children to express their emotions.

The benefits of healthy attachment are immense.  When a child feels that they can trust their parent to meet their needs, they are more ready to go out into the world and learn new skills. This emotional bond that is formed not only stimulates brain growth but affects personality development. They learn that love is safe and reliable and learn to seek out loving relationships. An infant can also learn to expect that their emotional needs will be met, so if they are hungry or tired, they know that someone will be there to help them get what they need. Healthy attachment relationships have even been tied to self-regulation, self-esteem, healthy adult relationships, positive communication skills, and so much more!

There is no “one way” to achieve a healthy and secure attachment relationship with your child, but there are agreed on approaches and things to remember when you set out your parenting goals. Dr. Siegel, our speaker for our Annual Speaker event, suggested following a simple strategy for attachment using the 4 “S”s. Learn to understand your baby’s unique cues – they are reaching out to engage and communicate their needs and wishes; the 4 “S”s aids in reading those cues.  Children need to be:

• Seen — this is not just seeing with the eyes. It means perceiving them deeply and empathically — sensing the mind behind their behavior, with what Dr. Siegel calls “mindsight”.
• Safe — we avoid actions and responses that frighten or hurt them.
• Soothed — we help them deal with difficult emotions and situations.
• Secure — we help them develop an internalized sense of well-being. 

Tip:  Attachment is something that you can easily build…you are likely already there! Even the little moments count… every time you respond to your baby you are laying the foundation for years of security and trust.

No matter how large or small your family may be, family rituals and routines are important. We know that young children crave routines in their daily lives; knowing what is going to happen next provides them with a sense of comfort and security.  In the same way, participating in family traditions gives your child a sense of belonging and connection within your family.

Many family rituals occur on holidays and special occasions, but there are plenty of other daily opportunities to start new traditions and create memories.  Here are a few ideas:

• Mealtime traditions—Friday might be “Pizza Night” or Saturday morning could mean waffles for breakfast. Traditions can also be created through the conversation and stories shared when you are able to sit down at the dinner table as a family, perhaps you can choose a special way to begin the meal or come up with conversation topics.
• Stories and songs— Young children love to hear stories about when their parents were children. Tell about a memorable childhood vacation, beloved pet, or funny experience. Read books that you enjoyed as a child or teach a favorite song or lullaby that someone used to sing to you.
• Everyday “chores”—Prepare a favorite family recipe with your child or sing a particular song while folding laundry together. Enjoy the process instead of focusing on the finished product.

Family rituals and traditions are special because they are based on quality time spent together. Even the smallest traditions can create wonderful memories that your child will cherish.

All children have reasons for getting mad, from someone stealing their swing on the playground to having to leave a play date when they are having fun; anger is a natural reaction to a frustrating experience.   As parents, we cannot prevent our children from ever encountering these circumstances, but we can help them learn how to cope and express these powerful feelings in a calmer fashion. Teaching them how to stay relaxed and calm in stressful situations at a young age can better prepare them for emotional success later in life.

• Start by helping your child identify the emotions they are feeling. Young children don’t always know they are getting upset until it is a full blown melt down, so if you can help them identify the physical symptoms they are feeling (such as heart pounding, talking louder, or face getting hot) and what triggers them, they will have a better chance at recognizing their own feelings in the future.  
• Next, talk about different ways to handle stressful situations instead of getting upset or angry. Deep breathing is a wonderful way to deescalate anger and it can be easily taught to young children. Taking a break is another way to remain calm in a stressful situation. Try the strategy yourself when you get angry, tell your child “mommy is angry right now and needs a few minutes to calm down.”

One of the most important ways to teach your child to be calmer is to practice being calmer yourself. If you tend to raise your voice when angry, you cannot expect them not to do the same. Remember, calm is contagious—and so is anxiety. When parents are nervous, anxious, or easily angered it is more likely to increase these behaviors and reactions in our children.

Parenting Tip: Connecting with your child is essential to parenting. Think of connecting as a proactive attempt to stop problems before they start. 

It’s important to learn how to deal with adversity in life, but it is just as important to learn how to create and sustain joy.  Dr. Hallowell describes a cycle of five repeating steps that are childhood roots of adult happiness.  He feels the five cycle program should not only go on in childhood but throughout all of life.  

• It begins with Connection.
  A child can begin creating joy by generating a connection in the form of unconditional love from an adult (one or both) in his/her life.  This forms basic trust early on, which is important for security, safety and the desire to take risks; the can-do attitude. 

• Once the connection has been established, Play can begin. 
  Many children today spend too much time rushing from one activity to the next and not enough time playing.  When a child is playing, they are working and learning.  Play builds the imagination, teaches problem solving and cooperation, and generates joy among many other valuable developmental skills. 
  
  
• While playing, a child soon finds the power of Practice. 
  It is rare to find the child who can ride a two-wheeler the first time or begin to walk without falling.  Practice makes perfect; practice becomes discipline.  Practice also opens the door to learning and to receiving help, teaching, or coaching. 
  
  
• After a certain amount of practice, Mastery will develop. 
  The cries of mastery will be heard: “I can do it!” or “Look at me!”  That feeling of mastery lays the roots for self-esteem.  When a child can master something she hasn’t done before, she increases her self-esteem, confidence, leadership skills, etc.. 
  
  
• The achievement of mastery leads to Recognition. 
  When children take their first steps, people cheer and take videos. When a preschooler rides a bike for the first time, he wants to do it again for others to see.  It is important for a child to feel valued and recognized after mastery to promote motivation.  Recognition leads to social connectedness (being validated/showing worth), which leads to motivation.

These five short steps cannot be left to chance to create “Can-Do” kids.  Parents, teachers, and all others can help children create joy for lifelong happiness. 

Social and emotional development in toddlers and young children happens at fast pace, which leaves us feeling as if we are riding a roller coaster of daily ups and downs! 

As parents we work so hard to support our child’s development by giving lots of love and affection and enjoying their new skills; but we also try to set limits without stifling their self-expression.  Often, we may hold expectations for our children that are not perfectly aligned with their abilities, which can add frustrations for us and our children. 

One of the most powerful tools in helping your child manage these early years is to understand what they are capable of emotionally and what they are still “working on” mastering.  Gaining insight into why your child may be reacting can help to reduce the stress for both of you and help you to respond effectively and lovingly.

Some tips that our Parenting Educators have shared for helping children deal with difficult feelings:

Listen quietly and attentively

Acknowledge their feelings

• “Oh, hmm, I see…”

Identify the problem

• Your brother went into your room without permission!

Give the feeling a name

• Boy, that sounds frustrating.

Connect feelings to content (or problem)

• You’re furious because your brother went into your room without your permission.

Restate the feeling in different words with a general truth

• It’s infuriating when someone takes your things without permission!

Give the child their wish in a fantasy

• I wish we could put a “NO TRESPASSING” sign on your door and your brother not only read it but follow it!

A few extra tips:

• Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected
• Accepting feelings does not mean you have to agree with them
• All feelings can be accepted
• Certain actions must be limited

You may have savored the moments when your infant preferred you to anyone else, but as they get bigger and they fall apart whenever you try to head to bathroom by yourself, their neediness and attachment seems unbearable.  The good news is that separation anxiety is a normal developmental phase that nearly all children go through, fortunately it is not permanent.

Separation anxiety typically begins after the age of 6 months, which is when your child realizes that you and she are separate…which means that if you are separate, you can leave her.  She has also gained the skill of keeping a picture of you in her mind, so the out of sight out of mind reprieve that eased separations in the beginning, is now replaced with fears of abandonment and emotional distress. Separation Anxiety waxes and wanes through the toddler years, but researchers agree that heightened separation anxiety passes between 18 months and 2 ½ years.  By age 3, most children have fully grown out of this phase.

Some tips that our Parenting Educators have shared for easing issues that can come up around separations:

• Always wave bye-bye when you leave…try to avoid sneaking off
• Try a transitional object
• Prepare them for your departure and return, let them know what they will be doing while you are gone
• Set up gradual transitions, maybe let a secondary caregiver act as the go-between
• Leave at the same time
• Get them busy in an activity
• Support them as they learn to cope, reassure them but also understand that you can do whatever you need to do and they will be okay

My child hasn’t been around many children her age. How can I help her make friends in preschool?

My child loves to listen to stories, but he can’t read any words yet. Should I be worried?

What is my child learning when she plays at preschool?

Read NAEYC’s 13 Tips for Starting Preschool for a few helpful hints to help prepare yourself and your little one for the first day of preschool!